October 09, 2003

Fabio for Governor!!!

friend: I agree, so far I'd say you have a great taste in music but you could be listening to Celine Dion behind my back.

me: um... No... But I do own the Fabio CD (but only because I am a fan of unintentional self-parody)

I had heard samples of Fabio's album on the radio. It was bad. Really bad. Hysterically bad. I could almost see Fabio's voice coach cringing in the studio as I listened. I had to have it. I saw it in the bins at the record store - $17.95. Damn, maybe I didn't need it that bad.

I took a copy and carried it around the store as I decided exactly how bad I wanted it. Then I had an idea! Maybe they had a used copy cheap? I showed the manager the Fabio CD and asked if they had any in the used section. His reply:

"Oh no... We wouldn't buy that back."

Foiled! I sheepishly explained to him that I wasn't really a Fabio fan, I just thought it was funny but didn't really want to pay $17.95 for it. There was a brief pause as we both looked at Fabio's Mona Lisa smile on the cover of the album.

"How much do you want to pay?"

"Um, $12?"

"Sold."

In retrospect, I guess I probably could have talked him lower but I have no regrets (it's going for $20 used now). I walked out of the store with my new "Fabio: After Dark" CD and have never looked back.

Reviewer: Travis Miller from Shepherdstown, WV United States

Fabio (yes, that Fabio) stumbles through breathy soliloquies on romance, over an über-schmaltzy soft-porn beat that does not change throughout the entire CD. As if you hadn't guessed, his musings delve deep into the uncharted realms of corniness. No, seriously. However corny you're imagining it to be right now, think cornier. Nope, cornier than that. Nope, keep going. Now you're getting close.

Fabio's vision of romance sounds like the, uh, shower fantasies of the naive, overweight girl in high school that everyone threw food at in the cafeteria. Am I cruel for laughing at this? I hope not, because how can you NOT laugh at something like this excerpt from "Fabio on Films":

"I lahk to take a special lady to de cinema, where we can hold hands in the dark, and whisper very quietly about what we see. I wonder, would she kiss me like that? Will I always be the hero of her life? I wish there were more romantic films, because romantic films can lead to beautiful adventures ahfter we leef de theatre."

(don't forget the accent and the generic porn music, and the fact that Fabio takes a full minute and a half to luxuriously hamfist his way through these four sentences)

It's all such a ghastly car-accident of an album that it transcends into genius. It would make a great ironic gift for someone who appreciates that sort of thing.

Fabio's Amazon.com Sales Rank: 241,821

Posted by thom at October 9, 2003 11:35 PM
Comments

i'll buy it for $13!

Posted by: sugarcoma at October 10, 2003 02:30 AM

Heck! These guys will sell it to you for $10.98!

Posted by: paulthom at October 10, 2003 03:00 AM

Bon giorno. I'm Fabio. And I'm very interested in what makes romance work. I want to share with you my recipe for a perfect evening. An evening for two lovers. When I plan a date, I want to make sure that everything is perfect for us. Music is the most important thing to set the mood for the night. When I play a special song, it's very important because it can express what i feel so perfectly. A song can speak for me when I cannot put my feelings into words. I listen to a solo and I think of a duet. When it's dark, I turn on the music, I light the candles. There is no time table for us. In a fantasy that we will make come true.

Posted by: Fabio! at October 10, 2003 03:08 AM

I noticed from my tracking record that a hit came from this website. Then I find, much to my astonishment, that Fabio has been commenting here and all the pieces fell into place.

Damn it, Fabio. It's over. Get it through your head and stop stalking me via the blogs of random strangers on the internet.

Or something.

(Great website, by the way. You're an interesting read. Although I'm unsure if I should take offense at my life musings being included under the "Funny Ha Ha" category.)

*insert pensive expression here*

Posted by: erin at October 10, 2003 01:32 PM
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