March 26, 2003

No!

Oh dear God, please please please let this be a joke!!!

UPDATE: The URL has gone stale. You missed the joke - so sorry.

Posted by thom at 12:26 PM | Comments (0)

You gotta see these!

I posted these movie recommendations on Real Live Preacher's weblog and decided it would be easier to make it my blog for today than to come up with something original.

Brazil (don't know if this counts as a big hit like the matrix... "Don't fight it son. Confess quickly! If you hold out too long you could jeopardize your credit rating.")

Living in Oblivion ("Woah, this must be a fuckin' dream, there's a fuckin' dwarf in it!")

Next Stop Wonderland ("I'm a temp. But that's not, like, a permanent thing.")

The Sure Thing ("Thoughts raced through his mind. Did she really want him? What had he done to deserve this bounty? Does God exist? Who invented liquid soap and why?")

The Zero Effect ("Are you telling me you can speak six languages and fly a jetliner but you don't know how to file a tax return?")

Canadian Bacon ("There's a time to think, and a time to act. And this, gentlemen, is no time to think.")

Flirting with Disaster ("San Diego has a big carjacking problem. They bump you, and when you stop, they mutilate you.")

Shakes the Clown (Okay, this isn't a must see, but is worth a look. Any movie that has a cameo by Florence Henderson as a slutty clown groupie is worth one viewing)

And now for my must see documentaries:

American Movie: The Making of Northwestern
Me & Issac Newton
Unmade Beds
Hands on a Hardbody
Sherman's March

Posted by thom at 10:19 AM | Comments (0)

March 23, 2003

In Search of: A Dwarf with a Big Axe

Referrer logs say the following searches thought my (or Paul's) page was a relevant match:

  • "What is the funniest true thing about penguins?"
  • "Dwarf with extremely big axe"
  • The ever-popular "fine naked butts" (or "groups of naked butts" even)
  • "darth maul naked" (also "Darth Maul porn". LucasArts should make a note of pent-up consumer interests like these)
  • "ben affleck cries like a baby" (hit paul's page I think)
  • "girls are wierd" (No Comment)
  • "amd boobies" (CPUs have boobies?)
  • "soapdish AND bathtub AND fix" (I bet they were disappointed by my page)
  • "accordionman" (But does he have a sidekick?)
Posted by thom at 08:45 AM | Comments (0)

March 22, 2003

Trained Monkeys Fly Out my Web Server

I heard a song on the radio a few weeks ago that I liked. I kept hearing it again and decided I liked it enough I wanted to buy the band's album. Unfortunately, I had never noticed what the song title was nor the band's name. So I start listening to the station where I heard the song the most only to discover that nowadays DJ's don't bother to tell you what song they just played. Ever. When did that happen? Okay, I'll just visit the KZSF website and look at their playlist. If you clicked the previous link you'll notice the page you get doesn't say "KZSF homepage", it says "KSJO - Proof that trained monkeys CAN run a website". Apparently their trained monkeys need more training. The page opens more pop-ups than a cheap porn site (not that I'd know about cheap porn sites, mind you). Luckily, I found another web site that explains the situation.

By the way, all I know about the song is it's a dance song with a female vocalist, she keeps singing "desperately" and "Just breathe" (or "just believe") over and over and someone told me the band's name starts with an E. If you know the song please let me know what the heck it's called and who does it.

UPDATE: Found the song! "Breathe" (duh) by telepopmusik. So much for the band's-name-starts-with-an-E theory. I asked the guy at Tower Records for help and when he figured out which song I meant he made this kind of slight "Ew, that music is so beneath me" expression. I just think the song is pretty.

Posted by thom at 10:46 PM | Comments (0)

March 20, 2003

Son of BBQ'ed Silicon

A while back I performed an involuntary experiment to find out what would happen if the CPU fan in my PC froze. These guys couldn't wait to find out so they just took the fans off their CPUs. Some cool pictures are included.

Posted by thom at 09:41 AM | Comments (0)

March 17, 2003

"Legs of Responsibility"?

Hey, folks... I don't make this stuff up. The actual quote is near the end of the story.

Posted by thom at 05:53 PM | Comments (0)

March 16, 2003

"Holy Dance Parties, Batman!"

Just caught part of "Batman, the one with Schwarzenegger." Boy, what a stinker. It reminds me of my review of the first Batman Movie: It had a good beat and was easy to dance to. Except the one I just watched didn't have a good beat nor did I ever feel like dancing.

Got letters from Sarah plus a call. I am far less grumpy now. I need to spend the afternoon replying.

Posted by thom at 01:35 PM | Comments (0)

March 15, 2003

Keeping You Safe with Pointless Digits

Today's poll at CNN.com: "Does the U.S. need another level in its terror threat advisory system?" 85% of you said NO! The other 15% were JOKING!

Personally, I believe we need a Terror Alert Advisory System that goes to 11. That will make it better than the other Terror Alert Advisory Systems that only go to 10.

Posted by thom at 08:11 AM | Comments (0)

March 06, 2003

A Bad Night

It's been two weeks now since I last communicated with Sarah. I can't sleep. I can't hold her. I can't talk to her. I can't even write to her yet. I have this fear that she wrote me already but I didn't check my mail and my fascist mailperson took it away.[I have a mailbox about the size of a 35mm film canister that the US Postal Service insists on filling with junk mail everyday, miss a day = previous day's mail gone] *zigh*

Stupid Dreams Dept. I dreamed I was standing in the bank a few blocks away from home. I was trying to decide if I should rob it or not. (Somehow I get the feeling this was a fiscal anxiety dream.) For some reason I decided to robbing it seemed like a good solution to my problems so I did. I walk out the door and start walking home. Then it sudden hits me and I am filled with terror: They're going to catch me and throw me in jail for 20 years and then I won't be able to see Sarah again! I start running home so they can't catch me. I feel nauseous and panicked. I realize how stupid I am because seeing her is the most important thing to me. Then I woke up. I lay awake the rest night wishing she was there to tell me it was just a bad dream.

Posted by thom at 02:32 AM | Comments (1)

March 03, 2003

Things to do when you're Dead

I read today that when I die I can have my remains shot in orbit. This would be good because then instead of coming to my depressing funeral you can go to my exciting blast-off. My other options are to get my head frozen or to hang with King Tut. While the "being shot into space" thing sounds kinda cool, I'd really much rather you just stick me in the ground somewhere nice and take a road trip to Las Vegas.

Posted by thom at 05:06 PM | Comments (0)

March 01, 2003

Homeland Insecurity?

For your own protection, all Americans of middle-eastern descent (and those with olive-colored skin, just to be sure) report to internment camps as soon as possible. Unfortunately, former Japanese internees are likely to sympathize with the new Arab ones so I think we'll need to re-intern them too, just to be safe. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, George Bush is using nothing more than his mental powers to line up support from world leaders. Turkey would be a good example of this. They feel so threatened by Saddam Hussien that something like 98% of the country is against going to war and they want nearly $30 billion from us for the privilege of protecting them. Turkey says it might need to invade Iraq too, but just to carve out a "security belt" for the protection of war refugees and to maintain stability. If any Kurds are killed, I'm sure it'll only be those unstable ones.

Manifest Destiny. I'm not sure what to think of those people who criticize our glorious leader, George Bush. He has been demonstrating genuine leadership and some real imagination with the economy. If you haven't written a letter to the editor yet extolling his virtues then you probably belong in one of those internment camps too. Sure, you might be cynical enough to think we're not going to war with Iraq for strictly altruistic reasons but you better keep it to yourself, buddy. You know why? Because if you're not with George Bush, you're with the terrorists. He's a uniter not a divider.

A Better Hitler Analogy? So we're going to invade Iraq in order to liberate them and give them democracy. That sounds like a pretty admirable goal so let us forget for a moment that it's been tried in the past and didn't work so well. What I'm wondering is, after we leave, who is this overwhelmingly Muslim nation going to elect? Nevermind, I'm just being silly. I'm sure it'll be someone who loves America. Anyway, if it's not someone we like we can always liberate them again.

Posted by thom at 10:21 AM | Comments (1)