November 30, 2003

"It was very unusual..."

Maybe I could improve my sex life if I persued a carreer in influence peddling...

The [Neil and Sharon] Bush divorce, completed in April after 23 years of marriage, was prompted in part by Bush's relationship with another woman. He admitted in the deposition that he previously had sex with several other women while on trips to Thailand and Hong Kong at least five years ago.

The women, he said, simply knocked on the door of his hotel room, entered and had sex with him. He said he did not know if they were prostitutes because they never asked for money and he did not pay them.

``Mr Bush, you have to admit it's a pretty remarkable thing for a man just to go to a hotel room door and open it and have a woman standing there and have sex with her,'' [Sharon Bush's lawyer, Marshall Davis] Brown said.

``It was very unusual,'' Bush said.

UPDATE: But wait! There's more! Announcing your intent to divorce through e-mail is pretty bad, but it could have been worse.

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November 26, 2003

Separated at Birth

I finally got around to editing some home movies that had languished in a closet. I also figured out how to use some of the slightly more complex functions of iMovie so I can do many more fun projects with it now. If I can get it to display audio waveforms then I will be in seventh heaven. I spent a little over two hours to come up with a 10 minute movie. I also noticed the following image which makes me wonder if hair bunnies run in the family...

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November 25, 2003

The Zen of Dating and Employment

My-Friend: Maybe if I say I will NEVER get married then I will meet someone.

Me: That ALMOST worked for me.

My-Friend: Almost is better than nothing. You should try again. Tell yourself that you don't want a girlfriend and that's when you'll find one. Tell everyone you don't want to get married and suddenly you'll have a wife.

Me: Maybe I should try telling myself and everyone I don't want a job first?

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The Sunday Funnies

When I was 6 years old we got a puppy. Someone mentioned to my dad you could train them to pee on old newspapers so you didn't have to worry about letting them out. Dad thought this was a great idea. There was a spray you could buy that you sprayed on the paper to help train them. After a few weeks the puppy got the idea and things were working out swell. The puppy didn't even need the spray anymore. She just knew that newspapers were something she was supposed to pee on. Then one Sunday dad brought in the paper, set it down next to his chair, and went to the kitchen for some coffee. Upon his return he discovers the puppy squatting over his paper. He was not pleased. Thus ended our puppy's paper-training phase.

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November 24, 2003

Vivendi Universal is Dumb

In a recent post I pointed out that mp3.com had become a wasteland under Vivendi Universal's stewardship. Today I ran across a story saying that Vivendi has decided, in their infinite wisdom, that the right thing is to do the electronic equivalent to setting it on fire and burning it to the ground. The mp3.com idea could have shaken the music industry out of its stagnation. Record Company Executives recognized the danger of this and have once again made the world safe for country-western alternative retro classic rock.

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November 21, 2003

Am I as Interesting as my Weblog?

I was looking at my log files and noticed someone found my page by searching on google for the word "interesting". My heart jumped! Had I snagged yet another top position on google? Um, no. I've gone through 11 pages of search results so far without finding a link to Interesting by Association (Ah! I'm on page 14!). I did however stumble across wannabegirl's webpage that poses the question: Are you as interesting as your weblog?

And the verdict is...

"You are just as interesting as your weblog!"

You have an interesting weblog and an equally interesting life. You don't need to exaggerate to make your stories sound exciting. They already are. You have a small circle of friends, both online and offline, and they all love having you around. You're an all around nice person and the best friend anyone could ever imagine having.

Given how NOT interesting even I sometimes find my blog I have a sneaking suspicion I've just been damned with faint praise. At least my friends love having me around.

UPDATE: My current blogger status is: Lowly Insect.

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November 18, 2003

The Insecure Narcissist

This past weekend I got to wondering if I was hot or not. After the first few dozen voters my rating was 6.9 (out of 10) which wasn't bad - at least I rounded up to a 7. I checked back a few hours later only to discover my rating had fallen to 6.4 and could no longer round up my score. The next day (and nearly 100 voters later) my score had gone up to a respectable 7.4 which made me feel pretty good for the rest of the day. This morning I look and I've fallen back to a 6.8 score. I can still round up my score and, according to hotornot.com, I am "hotter than 64% of men on this site!" I saw my brother this weekend who had this to say:

"You need to post a better picture."

"You should have brought your digital camera."

"I didn't know you weren't hot..."

I also took an online IQ test and it told me the following:

We also compared your answers with others who have taken the test, and according to the sorts of questions you got correct, we can tell your Intellectual Type is a Facts Curator.

This means you are highly intelligent and have picked up an impressive and unique collection of facts and figures over the years. You've got a remarkable vocabulary and exceptional math skills — which puts you in the same class as brainiacs like Bill Gates. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

They knew even more about me from my test results but wanted to charge me 15 bucks for their insights. I place a lot of value on self-discovery, but for now I'll just have to be happy with being like Bill Gates (well, "the same class" mentally, not financially). Unfortunately, I also scored lower on my IQ test then I did as a youngster. So, as I get older I am getting less smart and less attractive. I should alert some university researcher since this blows both the "older and wiser" and "men get more attractive as they age" theories out of the water.

Finally, as I was writing this entry, I searched Google for other Insecure Narcissists. I found one who has some amazing adventures. The blog hasn't been updated in over six month but I can't tell if that's because the author is too preoccupied admiring himself to write or because he is insecure and afraid people won't like his writing. I haven't had time to find any other interesting links in the other 1,790 results. Post a comment if you find something funny.

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November 17, 2003

More Human than Human

Arnold was just sworn in as Governator, er, Governor of California. It reminded me of this story in TheWave magazine where mayoral candidates were given the Voight-Kampff Test from the movie Blade Runner to see if they were really human. Luckily, Arnold is not a replicant - he wasn't even in Blade Runner. I'd insist on the test if Harrison Ford had been elected. In Arnold's case I wish a dog had sniffed him before he was sworn in just to make sure he wasn't really a machine.

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Puppies and Homemade Jerky

The other day I noticed someone had found my page with a strange search. It hit an old entry in my blog with some movie recommendations. Today I mentioned it to a friend and did a search on "Slutty Clown Groupie" only to discover Interesting by Association has captured yet another coveted first position in the google search results. Go me! Unfortunately, I also discovered someone else has the number one spot for "Slutty Clown Groupies" (the plural form). A different friend has suggested I try for the #1 spot on searches for "puppies AND homemade jerky" next. All I can say is: My Quest is begun.

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November 16, 2003

Just a link

Pong meets Tron... not just a game. Icon's Story brought a tear to my eye. ME LIKE PIE! See Hot Celebs NUDE! Speaking of horny celebs, Arnold gets sworn in as Governor on monday. Just plain funny. More later. Um, maybe. The End.

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November 15, 2003

An Odd Day

The Oddtodd production of A Day in the Life would be really, really funny if it weren't so damn accurate. The Helped Wanted and Annual Report episodes are great (and also disturbingly accurate) too. All his stuff is really funny. I can't wait for more episodes in the Laid Off series. His 'DAILY FACT I LEARNED FROM THE TV' feature includes gems like this:

I found out tonite that Girl Scouts in Alaska are going beyond selling cookies and learning how to stitch or whatever. The girl scouts in Alaska are learning how to trap, kill, and skin beavers. I guess they're earning badges when they snag one with a nice pelt or whatever. When girl scout Allison Becker was asked to comment she said, "The beavers have been bothering us for years. Building dams wherever they want and taking our wood. We feel it's important to teach them a lesson." Then she turned toward the woods and yelled, "You hear me, buckos?! It's time to pay the piper!" When Bobby Hembreicht, 10, Boy Scout from Pack #134 was asked to comment on the Girl Scout situation he said, "Big deal! Girls are gross and beavers are gross too! And smelly..."

I couldn't have said it any better, Bobby. Anyway, I guess it's almost time to take a 20 minute Power Nap. I'll post more after that.

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November 14, 2003

Faith and Reason

I have never believed in the inerrancy of the Bible. My earliest religious thought as a child was: if God is All Powerful then why does He need a book? Why didn't he just put everything he needs me to know in my heart? Given how many different interpretations of the bible there seem to be wouldn't something like math make more sense? Two plus two still equals four even after 2000 years and no one has managed to change that yet.

Years later I read a book about the history of Mathematics called "Pi in the Sky" by John Barrow. It talked about Godel's Incompleteness Theorem and how it meant there were mathematical statements that, unlike 2+2=4, you could never prove to be true or false. He then went on to observe:

If we define religion to be a system of thought which contains unprovable statements, so it contains an element of faith, then Godel has taught us that not only is mathematics a religion but it is the only religion able to prove itself to be one.

When I read this my childhood thoughts came rushing back. The problem with this mathematical spirituality is it doesn't give you the slightest clue as to what are the right things to have faith in. What to put your faith in is up to you to choose - free will coming back to bite you on the ass.

Despite all my thinking on the subject I still don't claim to know the right things to put my faith in. I believe in the goodness of the human heart, but I also believe the Bible is right when it warns that sometimes our sinful desires lead us to make the wrong choice. I believe the right path is to find the balance between faith and reason:

"it is important for human beings to strike the balance in belief. Believing too much is gullible and superstition, whereas believing too little is cynicism and skepticism."

In difficult times sometimes we lose our faith almost without realizing it. Those times are when we most need to sit down and think about what we believe.

"Faith seeks, understanding finds...unless you believe, you will not understand."

Posted by thom at 11:34 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 13, 2003

A Mess-o-Links

A bunch of links have been piling up in my bookmarks. I really, really wanted to say something clever and witty about each one but my brain just isn't up to the task today.

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November 12, 2003

A Musical Interlude

I was poking around mp3.com tonight. I had discovered a lot of good music there in the past and hoped I might stumble across some new gems. A few years back the major record labels sued them, won, and took them over. I discovered tonight it has become a vast wasteland of mediocrity.

defaultOne artist I discovered there is still around: Paul Thorn. There are two great songs, Where Was I? and Ain't Love Strange, available for downloading and you'll regret it if you don't. He used to have more songs up there but I guess those days are gone. Paul is a great songwriter and I can't say enough good things about him. Musicians like to say they've "paid their dues" but in Paul's case those dues include stepping into the ring with Roberto Duran. As Paul puts it, "He was very nice until the bell sounded."

Anyway, go check out his official web site and enjoy his music. While you do that I'll try to get some sleep.

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November 07, 2003

Slutty Clown Groupies

Someone found my page while searching for "florence henderson naked". Yeah, right. Dream on, buddy.

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California Dreamin'

Last night I dreamed I went on a comical crime spree with a gang of my buddies. Nothing bad, mostly just vandalism, but all of it very funny. We end up in a generic drug store somewhere after having acquired quite an arsenal. The gang wandered around the store fighting and wisecracking - all in a very entertaining and funny manner. But right before things got ugly I got afraid that someone might get hurt so I ran out of the store and warned people not to go in. Then things went kind of fuzzy and time passed like it does in dreams and movies - one jump-cut and I find myself wandering around the store a few weeks later. I find my friends are now living in the store. Their beds are in the center of the store; they are living in store displays. I sit down and talk to the ringleader sitting on the bed with his girlfriend. "What happened? Why are you still here?" I ask. He is very quiet and I can tell something is wrong. "If only we hadn't been so entertaining..." he says softly. Then I notice a tiny camera on his nightstand. I realize this is their punishment: they have been sentenced to a Reality TV show.

I had another dream after the first where I am at some cyber-tribal techno-nerd gathering. I try to impress the others by talking about how the business card-sized recordable CDs are great for making back-ups. I look around and people have lost interest and are looking at their laptop computers again. "And the 3 inch ones are great too," I add hoping to regain their interest. The room goes quiet and all you can hear is the soft clack of laptop keyboards.

I'm trying to figure out what the dreams mean. I guess the moral of the first is you can get away with anything as long as you're entertaining. The second dream must mean I'm afraid of being boring and uninteresting.

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November 06, 2003

SoCal in a Syringe

I saw a story on the business channel the other day about a new drug, Eiptan. It is a drug that will help you lose weight, make you tan, and increase your libido. If it works the Southern California tourist business could be in serious trouble. There is also the risk of slim, tan and horny Epitan addicts roaming the streets committing crimes for a fix. Malibu Barbie's version of crack.

Posted by thom at 01:19 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

November 03, 2003

Losing an Hour

Last weekend was that time of year when we all get an extra hour back but then spend that hour trying to figure out how to reset all our clocks. I like to save my hour - just tuck it in my hip pocket and save it for a week or two and pull it out when I feel I need an extra hour the most. I was going to pull it out of my pocket tonight but when I looked for it all I found was a previously undiscovered hole in my pocket. No extra hour. I'm not sure if it fell out in one big clump of time or trickled out second-by-second. All I know is it's all gone now. So if you find an extra hour somewhere then it's probably mine and you should return it. I'm offering a 15 minute reward.

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November 02, 2003

The Importance of Setting Goals

Sometimes I wonder if I should shave it off, but now I know my beard's destiny: It must enter The World Beard and Moustache Championships. Everyone has to have goals - even my beard.

UPDATE: I was looking at the website and discovered this must-have t-shirt. It features a picture of the winner in the "freestyle goatee" category. I cannot rest unless I possess one. The 2004 calendar or The coffee table Moustache Book are also perfect gifts for that special someone thinking about entering the world of Competitive Facial Hair.

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November 01, 2003

A Fair and Balanced Wonderland

This whole Fox News story is has been getting a lot of attention in the blog world. I saw this little quote in the Los Angeles Times today.

Asked whether [former employee Charlie] Reina's quotations were inaccurate or taken out of context [Fox News spokesperson Bob] Zimmerman said, "All we are saying is that these are false accusations."

False but apparently not inaccurate. No spin there. The Fox universe is a very kooky place.

This story has nothing whatsoever to do with Fox but it is pretty funny too

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